Good intentions don’t always land well, and you’re allowed to protect your energy.
After trauma, advice arrives from everywhere: friends, family, colleagues, even strangers. Some of it helps. Some of it adds pressure, doubt, or guilt. What makes the difference isn’t just what is said, but how it lands in your nervous system. Your body often knows before your mind does.
Here’s a simple way to notice what’s actually supportive for you, and what isn’t.
When someone gives you advice, do you mostly feel…
- Pressure — a tight chest, urge to fix it fast?
- Misunderstood — a drop in your stomach, “they don’t get it”?
- Deflated — heavy, smaller, like you’ve done something wrong?
- Seen — a softening in your shoulders, “I can breathe”?
If you feel pressured
You might be receiving action-first advice when what you need is validation.
Try: “I’m not ready for solutions yet. Listening helps most right now.”
If you feel misunderstood
You may be sharing context that isn’t being heard.
Try: “What I need is for you to understand what it’s like for me before we look at next steps.”
If you feel deflated
The advice might carry judgment (even unintentionally).
Try: “I’m doing the best I can. Encouragement helps me more than fixes.”
If you feel seen
This is supportive. Consider asking for more of it.
Try: “That helped. Could you just sit with me like this a bit longer?”
Setting boundaries around advice isn’t rude — it’s wise. You can appreciate the intention while declining the impact. Clarity invites better support and protects your limited energy for the work that truly moves you forward.
🧡 Key Takeaway
You don’t have to accept every piece of advice. Let your body be the filter, keep what helps, name what harms, and ask for what you actually need.
💬 Please share this blog if you know someone who needs to hear it too.
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